Toyah’s Blog: April 2023

Apr 7, 2023


As I look out of my office window, the view of the beautiful square is filled with men in lycra gathering for their weekend cycling, there’s at least twenty today.

Quite frequently I am treated to the site of these post BMX-ers adjusting their wedding tackle within their elasticated boundaries and it always makes me chuckle as the average age is 60….and you’re looking good boys!

This reminds me when I first met Robert he used to go all dewy eyed about “rock chicks in lycra”, which rattled me most times as my legs never amounted to much in lycra nor in denim, but now I have my own personal vision from my window, 20 sweaty men glistening in the sunshine in shiny lycra, they seem very exotic here in humble Bredonborough.

My husband has many disturbing recurring dreams about losing his luggage on tour or the audience leaving the venue while he is still playing or being stuck in airport lounges or running down never ending corridors that wind on like an unfathomable maze.

I have repeat dreams about fleeing Ridley Scott’s Alien.

Especially having brought a brand new mattress, the brand advised by the Hope Hotel in Liverpool, where last year I had one of my best night’s sleep in ages, the new mattress is definitely helping me get some shut eye but it’s also keeping me in that REM state when the Alien can come and get me!

There lurking in the blackness of my sleeping subconscious is this damned spider like Alien waiting to chase me in the most mundane of situations. In department stores, bed sits, car parks, changing rooms and gardens while those around me casually relax and say “what’s the problem?”!

It’s very busy. Tons of TV happening as well as intense show rehearsals with Robert. We are getting to that place where familiarity of the music is setting in. It may sound surprising, but this takes time. I call it “putting it in the body”, where you are at a point that muscle memory kicks in, this is also the point where I know what movements, imagery and lights will work for sure, at this point I can think about practicalities.

t’s all very well wanting to enter a stage flying above the audience but venues have structural limitations to deal with…like no fly bars! And in the case of potential quick changes some venues have no wings. I am close to accepting for the October tour that I might simply change on stage!

We still have a lot of development time ahead of us but this week alone four more festivals have come in for this year……It’s very, very busy. The Isle of Wight Festival is confirmed too when we perform on the Sunday.

A lot of my friends have had a tough beginning to the year, me too when it comes to short wintery days with grey skies. I’ve been making semi threats about moving to Spain/ Morocco/ Cyprus anywhere where the sky is continually blue!

This prolonged winter is zapping everyone’s energy. I definitely have SAD… Seasonal Affective Disorder.

How can grey skiess be tolerated. How can a positive projection be placed upon another grey day? We need the rain. We need protection from solar storms. We need to appreciate our freedom of choice therefore choose to ignore it, it’s not actually harming anyone, but easier said than done. I can tolerate a lot but the one thing that floors me is bad light.

Both Robert and I work a lot.  Robert works far too much for someone who is three years off 80.

We still have career drive and a necessity to work. Earning a living and keeping our sanity being the main reason and we actually need stress and pressure to motivate us, it suits our personalities. Having witnessed my father’s frustration at being “retired”, I fully wish to remain connected with the world but increasingly I tell Robert that he needs to make time for himself and his desires.

This morning he said there seems to be more bureaucracy than ever before, we spend crazy hours in our offices but I am not sure there is more today than forty years ago.  We both spend far too much time doing admin, the reason is simple, the internet has got rid of all the middle processes, there’s just as much admin as ever there was, just less people in the chain who get it all done.

What are the chances of being stranded in Glasgow Airport and by chance meeting the new CEO of BAFTA! I was at the gate with the comedian Inel Thomlinson waiting for a plane to arrive when the new CEO came and introduced herself.

I have never told this story…………………………………. The last time I’d had any communication with BAFTA was in 2006 when they denied me membership, saying they didn’t want “people like me as members.”

Maybe I was too punk, even alternative for them? My agent was baffled, me too, I am an award winning, often nominated actress with a deep love and knowledge of film. In the past three years I’ve had three best Acting nominations from three different festivals, helped produce a movie and currently helping shoot a movie.

Both Inel and I were majorly impressed at her openness and total lack of self-importance and I think she will be fantastic for BAFTA.

We are a month away from the official shoot starting for the documentary LOVE.

Already I am shooting test sequences for the producers, visual concepts and set-ups with Fripp which have been favourably received, the producers loving the visual beauty of the pictures but also the truth of who we are as subject matter, in our pyjamas, no filters, no censorship and not always glamorous.

This is the right time to do this shoot. Robert and I have over 100 years of experience behind us and we feel it’s a story many people around the world will identify with.

It’s an exciting time and hopefully after the shoot is complete, Robert can enjoy his precious time …..with me…..and we may get to see the world as tourists as well as performers.