TOYAH’S BLOG: APR 2016

Category: Toyah's Blog

Animal anticsHELLO THERE!

So what have I been doing in the last month? WELL…..

I have been living with this feeling of “something is about to happen” since January. What I mean by that is something is going to be an upheaval, a complete change. It’s to do with my working life.

It is a feeling that is making me restlessness, I can only remember it once before in 1980. It is both a good and bad thing, my desk is cleared, I am writing new songs, I am learning my instruments, I am reading all those books I should have read decades ago, I am learning my film scripts….it is as if I am about to be called to do something and I have to remain completely ready for it even though I have no idea what IT is!

I have been turning down work that I feel will be a distraction and only focussing on building my working relationships with film directors /writers/ producers.

At my grand age it feels right to only be available for future projects I believe will stretch my abilities and be totally representative of my 40 years experience as a writer/performer.

Having always trusted the unexpected, jobs that look like a complete change of direction, Trafford Tanzi was one, Quadrophenia another and certainly The Tempest was a step into the dark…..and how wonderful all three were, I feel very excited about what this year might spring on me.

It feels like the universe is juggling with us, sorting us by ability/ strength of mind/ tenacity and knowledge and then we all fall into our little hole of “what next”. Its just I sense the “what next” wont be the usual.

AND my dreams! I am dreaming about Bowie every night, it is as if I am getting to know the man in death as I never knew him in life. Years before Bowie died Robert dreamed of him constantly and Robert used to write up his dreams in his diaries and these got Robert into trouble……because one of the dreams revealed that Bowie was making THE NEXT DAY ( totally unbeknown to us at the time), which lead to the press twigging Bowie was in the recording studio again and then Viscontti accusing Robert of letting the cat out of the bag to the world!

toad doorThere is an air of actors frustration resounding around the walls of my office as I wait for 3 films to be given the first day of shooting….thank goodness I have other avenues to express myself in….the concerts so far this year have been heavenly.

Liverpool St. Andrews Hall was breath taking and Colin Hinds hometown, so he had quite a crowd supporting him. The sound in the hall was alive. We really didn’t need a PA. It is built like a whispering gallery. Every breath had a soft echo following it.

VINTAGE TV says the feedback globally to The Water Rats has been close to phenomenal and it certainly has shown it’s success in downloads from new territories from Estonia, through the Baltics, Europe and across to the USA.

I have a hankering to play all these places. Imagine, I am 58 in May and I might just get to do that world tour!!!!!!!!

I have mentioned the world a lot in this blog, possibly because I feel a part of it, rather than simply part of an island. Especially this week as our Democracy is humiliated by fat cats revealing they have money stashed in Panama…..money that would most likely pay off world debts and give everyone an equal life. Never have I felt the fabric of political trust has been so violated……well OK there are other monumental occasions too. I truly believe perfection of life is possible and what I mean by this is all the resources in the world are there for us all, why does it get so F—– Up by so few! 

When life gets tough I do believe the world is full of reassuring signs and symbols that are there to guide us.

For example at my fathers funeral a butterfly came into the church and landed on the wreath on his coffin and then it flew into my mother’s hair.

This was incredibly reassuring at that moment but still perfectly clear that in nature these things happen anyway. Was it a nicely timed accident that happened to bring humour and comfort to a really sad occasion? Coincidence?

I think not.

Then an hour later I arrived home and looked up at the sky and there was a cloud in the shape of an angel high above my head in the expanse of completely clear blue sky and at that point I shouted  “I see you!” and the cloud dispersed.

Tonight Robert and I were loading the car for a journey to Dundee when a lovely fat toad crossed my path in the darkness. I’d never seen a toad this close to our back door and I ran and got my phone to take a picture. Then when we came back inside we saw a new e-mail had arrived. A dear friend who was also part of our past management team had flown away after a really cruel last few months fighting cancer in a hospice.

Even though this was expected we still felt shock, then I remembered the toad and went on line and asked “what does a toad at the back door mean?” (no matter how strange a query the internet has answers) back came a multiple of related answers to the meaning of toads and frogs at the back door……..Rebirth, Transition, personal Transformation. How fitting for a friend who has just flown.

When Celtic warriors died on the battlefield centuries ago a Hare was believed to carry their souls to the next life so I took comfort that with the animal kingdom on this night the toad delivered its message.

The summer gigs are flowing in every day, new festivals for the band to play, so keep an eye on the home page and remember….

BE PROUD, BE LOUD, BE HEARD
LOVE TOYAH
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX