TOYAH’S BLOG: JAN 2019

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!!!!!

So far 2019 has been beyond expectation.

On New Year’s Day I found myself sitting next to a world-renowned film director having a lunch I didn’t expect.

He asked how I started in the business and I told him at the end of 1976 in Tales From The Vienna Woods at The National Theatre…..”Ah yes.” He said, “directed by Maximilian Schell and starring Kate Nelligan.”

My god I was impressed. We got onto Jarman and he was flying high with more facts about my past work and Derek’s films than I remembered myself.

We ended up talking about film budgets. One of his many great films was made for a fee equal to the entire fee for a director in Hollywood, but I pointed out no one had changed the course of cinema the way he had so in this day and age be proud of the fact you could change the world without making it go bust.

Also with us wAS a brilliant male satirist and a prolific female historian who mentioned she didn’t have a doctorate (yet) at which I sheepishly put my hand up and claimed my two honoraries.

Below the surface both she and I were totally aware how hard it is to be a women in a creative world, you have to have an overrunning cup of resilience.

It was a lovely start to the year.

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Looking at my diary 2019 is already an exceptional year. More concerts booked in advance than any other year in my 40 year career, BBC4 asking me for ideas for possible future series, an Album/single release to be announced and a record deal.

This is looking like a perfect year so far.

As a keen numerologist I am slightly sceptical about the last year in a decade…both Robert and I are keen followers of cycles. Historically 1961, 1971, 1981…..91….01….11 etc have been years I ascend into new beginnings, but years which end with the “crisis” number, 9 have always seemed the end of cycles thus hard to let go of familiar things. Let’s look back at those particular years……………

1959…….I can’t remember, I was one year old but I was in plaster to straighten my bones out which made it possibly for me to be who I am today.

1969 wasn’t a great …..bodged surgery on my right foot which changed my dreams of being an ice skater but better things were to follow.

1979 … in fact this was a wonderful year in my life. I was a struggling artist living with rejection but by god it made me who I am. The band were ascending and life was a glorious tough adventure and I was wild with abandon and overflowing with confidence.

1989 was the lull before the storm in 1990. Management diverted my entire income whilst I was on the road with SUNDAY ALL OVER THE WORLD, BUT it made me the whiz kid I am today…..a wake up call for a lazy so and so I was capable of being..

1999 was hell on earth. Jill Dando was murdered, heartbreaking (thank you West Mercia police for all your detective work over the past month in tracing someone who used Jill’s name in vain.)

2009 was hard, Dad died, I had a cancer scare but again I believe it built my metal and preventative surgery made it possible for me to be here today.

So 2019…….what will it bring?

There’s great news coming for my fans as I mentioned an album release / a single release.

It’s QUADROPHENIA’s 40^TH birthday, many shows in the calendar but all the time I will be waiting for “that blow on the head” because it’s 2019. I think I know what it will be……… that said I always rise out of these years renewed. Once the year has passed I will touch on this again and see if I am right or wrong with this feeling. 

At the age of 60 there are inevitabilities but there are also splendours.

I think attitude combats dark clouds and insecurities. Presently I feel as if Boudica is living in my veins.

My new year’s resolution is a stand alone quote…… The mundane in my life doesn’t define who and what I am therefore it won’t.

What is the mundane?…..anything to do with domesticity/ utility bills/ iPhones/cars/ dull lifeless acts and habits that turn us into entrapped automatons.

THESE DO NOT DEFINE WHO I AM OR WHAT I WILL BE, yet I am surrounded by people who constantly distract me from my creative work with banality as if it defines who and what they are, big bugbear in my life. 

 I WON MASTERMIND! It has been hard not being able to shout this from the rooftops.

 My emotional experience as I realised I had won really took me by surprise. Historically quite often in social situations I am the brunt of everyone’s jokes, even hostility. Hubby and I put this down to the fact I am physically very small and if people can’t get at him then I will do.

 We have been in social situations where I have been…well how do I say this….. abused/ bullied.  By this I mean relentlessly shouted at by drunks who are verging on breakdowns over their own lives, I seem to attract them and people have had to be removed, so when I won Mastermind I found myself not only feeling elated but wanting to shove the trophy so far up these people’s arses that it would shine along with their teeth.

It astonished me how the feeling of vengeance overrode my feelings of accomplishment, at this point it dawned on me that all the experiences of social bullying in my life still live deep….DEEP…inside my psyche…..AND I must use this energy for my work, not for feeling in the wrong or wronged.

Another thing that has grown from this common experience is it makes me want to learn more and more. Succeed more and more.

Finally I have found a piano teacher who might be able to help me overcome an area of my dyspraxia where I cannot send messages of co-ordination to my hands. I feel elated I might be able to combat this, because it heaps frustration on me like no other thing.

I am determined to break the mould and make 2019 a great year.

Japan was an adventure. Having never been there before I was awed by the fantastic people and the amount of bowing that takes place, it made me slightly Self conscious.

It was delightful to experience my Japanese fans who where welcoming and generous….a very special experience.

Robert and I arrived home just before Christmas Eve and I slept for 24 hours. When I woke I thought my head had simply touched the pillow but a whole day had gone.

Christmas was beautiful and full of good friends… I am grateful beyond words.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE AND SEE YOU SOON.
BE PROUD, BE LOUD, BE HEARD LOTS OF LOVE TOYAH
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