TOYAH’S BLOG – JAN 2021

Category: Toyah's Blog

HELLO AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU!

IT’S A BRAVE NEW WORLD.

I am so sorry we are in a third “Lockdown”. This is hard but I am confident we are almost there, we are approaching the summit of this Virus and in a few weeks, possibly a few months, we will see normality again.

AND at that point this is going to be one hell of a year.

On Feb the 28th it will be exactly one year since I have performed live with my band. Who could ever have guessed this would happen.

When Lockdown started in 2020, April, we all expected to be back at work by September 2020 latest.

So many friends and fellow musicians have been to hell and back. I know I never want to go through this again, I also know retirement wont work for me, the last 12 months have proved that more than anything.

I dealt with the fear and uncertainty of it all by creating new work projects, so much so I have never been busier!  POSH POP, TOYAH ART and all the re-releases have kept the whole team working….not necessarily earning but hugely creative and satisfying.

As horrible as 2020 was it was also equally revelatory.

I actually got to know my husband!

The first revelation is, and this has never been a secret, but as a dyslexic I have bluffed and covered my tracks to success, because I have always had to learn and think outside of the box everyone was trying to make me fit into.

In Lockdown I discovered Robert, and this is a revelation, is so dyspraxic and exclusively left handed that he has covered his dyspraxia up with intellectual Blah Blah Blah towards the right handed majority. In Lockdown I discovered this all thanks to watching the “Yoda of Rock” trying to making an omelette!

TURN AWAY NOW IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ A SPOILER AND IF YOU’RE A WOMEN TIED TO THE KITCHEN READ ON…THIS IS EGG SCIENCE TALK.

I tried to teach the Master Of Guitar to whisk an egg with a fork today and he reached for the hand whisk. To which I said “nope”, use a fork.  Putting the fork in his left hand I said “Think about it” how do you whisk an egg with just a fork, the intention being to airate and combine the yolk and white.

He actually prodded the egg yolks with the fork prongs, then when I told him to turn the fork around, so the prongs pointed upwards, he turned it 360 degrees and got a little snippy with me, “I am Left Handed! I can’t do it the way right handed people can!”

Thus I realised the Fripp is closer to my world of dyslexic bluff-dom than I ever dared dream.

When we had our beautiful house Rabbit, WillyFred, who we had for nine years, Fripp could not work out how to lift him up, no matter how many times I talked Robert through the moves, poor old bunny ended up upside down in his hands………..DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS…. GENIUS ISN’T BORN PERFECT AND FAULTLESS, GENIUS FINDS ITS WAY TO THE SURFACE IN SPITE OF THE ODDS. This should give us all hope!

Our Christmas day was beautiful. It became a quiet world. Robert surprised me with a remarkable gift.

When I was 11 years old I started to draw otherworldly scenes inspired by science fiction and fantasy.

One such drawing had been hidden away in an old sketch book for 51 years, I called it “THE DOME”, it is a Flat Earth drawing and I discovered it again at the beginning of December and the paper was disintegrating. It was heartbreaking to see my earliest attempt at creativity suffer this neglect.

On Christmas morning Robert was so excited he said “I have to give you your big present first because I am going to burst if I don’t!”

He handed me a large, 3ft by 4ft , package. I had no idea what it could be. As I opened the wrapper a beautiful Gold picture frame appeared and when I looked at the picture my mouth fell open and tears ran down my face.

It was my line drawing of “THE DOME”, renovated at museum quality by a renowned art restorer, no sign of crumbling paper, creases or fading………..it is almost exact as if it where 1970 again.  I am hugely grateful because up till this point it was like witnessing my past disappearing without any chance of saving it.

Hubby also gave me a beautiful Fender Guitar, its action and tonality is nectar, I will be playing this guitar in my next film.

My sister managed to get 3 large packages to us for Christmas day, socks, ties and a game called POO BINGO……a Poo recognition game….I am now feeling really well informed!

She also gave me a designer handbag, which totally blew me away! 

Before the world shut down for the festive season I shot a pilot for TV which inadvertently led to an unexpected and life-changing face to face meeting with Ancestry.com at 10pm in Soho one Sunday night.

My fractious relationship with my Mum is well known amongst my long term fanbase. We never got on, we fought, we never showed affection, it was 51years of heartbreak and confusion. A lot of this reflected in my lyrics.

Ancestory asked to see me face to face because what they needed to tell me would be irresponsible for me to find out online.

Sitting with the head of the company he told me what happened to my mother when she was approx. 16 and my world crumbled.

How the press missed this one in the 1980s is impressive, because my mother’s history so pulled the rug from under my feet I am only just finding my balance again.

My mother, left so traumatised by a violent family incident was never ever able to express love again. It made the press at the time; this is why I am amazed no newspaper ever picked the story up.

My mother didn’t need a rebel daughter, she needed love and understanding, she needed therapy and support…….she never got it. I pray to God that he heals her and forgives me for being the extra challenge in her life that she couldn’t cope with.

 Believe me there is a book and film in this remarkable story and it’s not about me. It’s about survival.

I wish you all Love, Hope, Health, Luck and your dreams come true in this extraordinary time.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

BE PROUD, BE LOUD, BE HEARD.

TOYAH

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