Jun 8, 2015

toyah at BBC June 2015HELLO THERE!

Is there anybody out there doing research into how some people cannot be near electronics without them breaking?

If you are out there and you need a live test human being who breaks phones, computers , car systems and cash tills just by standing next to them …..I AM YOUR PERSON…WILLING AND ABLE TO BE RESEARCH MATERIAL.

Perhaps I could have a new career as a kind of living weapon. I am beginning to believe I have some kind of “survival DNA” where my body repels technology. As if I am made to survive in a world where technology has broken down…… Armageddon gene.


As the world accelerates towards everything in life being run by computers I am starting to feel quite bonkers and slightly concerned I will remain an “outsider” because of my predicament.  My problem is the erratic behaviour of technology. Or should I say my erratic behaviour influencing technology AND I have witnesses. My husband is amazed and frustrated by how I can turn a peaceful occasion into a mad panic of “what the F— did that!”

EXAMPLE: new computers freeze when I am near them…..I walk away ….they work.

My husband had the pleasure of witnessing every file on my computer converting to Spanish whilst I was just sitting at my desk……well at least we know there’s a translation available.

Arriving at Bosscombe this week my car electrical circuits burnt out and Wongoose’s headlamps broke, then I walked into the venue and their projector went from projecting films to only showing a pink light and had to be discarded. I set up my computer on stage and my POWERPOINT has self edited out pics  and randomly rearranged my presentation.

Shop tills still break when I go to pay but as I’ve said many times before I like that.

I am perfectly happy to ignore all this but how can anyone ignore this in a world where shops have “self-serve” and car parks have “pay machines” and telephones no longer have wires? For me there are permanent ghosts in the machine and I have no choice but to accept it because I live in a time where electronics and computers are our constant companions.

So I am asking… there anyone out there researching this because I am sure I am not the only person having this experience and it isn’t going to go away. Robert has noticed when I am distressed the problem increases ten fold.

Well I am distressed about 80% of the time…………my life is a horizon of troughs and peaks, the troughs being other people managing to mess up perfectly simple processes and the peaks are being on stage………stress is ever present…….the only way to rid my life of it is to stop doing what I love and for me that would be like walking away from not only a challenge but a war on technology frustration. Presently life is like a marathon of fun and frolics with metaphorical big bad B——- dragging on the ground. The shows are sublime. The best part of my working life.

Last night I played Carnglaze Caverns. Wonderful!Carnglaze Caverns

To sing THUNDER IN THE MOUNTAINS and JUNGLES OF JUPITER deep under a large seam of rock was ecstasy. The night before we played Babbacombe Theatre, which I have to admit I had low expectations about, as to wether we would have an audience. Calamity Jane once did a matinee to three people in Torquay so I was dreading the same in Babbacombe but 500 people turned up and they were the most wonderful audience we have had….pure joy.

That night we stayed at the EXMOUTH VIEW HOTEL. My car limped into the car park with no electrics and the owner Dave called his mechanic friend and arranged for repairs in the morning….then made us sandwiches. Bless him! What a wonderful man.  As we arrived to check-in a coach of holidaying OAP’s arrived from 5 miles where I live and told Dave that they see me in the local Asda and they know where I live…….6 degree’s  of separation or what?

Today I am at Burghley House in Stamford. The sun is out, the venue is stunning and I can relax a little as others are running the show. Heaven. Karen and Sarah from Bananrama are sunbathing outside of their winnebago……I’m in mine writing. I even have a double bed in mine……sadly hubby is in New York State! I love these show days, all I have to do is sing! I shoot KALEIDOSCOPE MAN next week so my script is with me, and I have a pilot drama to shoot with Jamie Winston to learn for august, but there is sanity in the air.

On the TOYAH shows it is so different, it is crazy. I am singer, tour manager, banker, driver, PA, and secretary to myself! It has been a great four weeks. I can’t remember my birthday, I know it was lovely, but there’s so much going on every day is a blur.

I do remember the Ivor Novello Awards. It was quite terrifying getting up and talking in front of Elton John, Annie Lennox, Tony Iommi, Paul WillIams, Kylie, Ed Sheeran……..I am still shaking!  The one thing about that day that will stick with me forever is to never feel unconfident because of my lack of height. Because Elton and Ed are about my height yet they are giants.

I hope you get to see some of this month’s shows. Today I am updating, changing stories and adding new content to the acoustic show.

Have a great June!